Thomas Brown

The Big Shift

2012-02-20T10:36:00.000-08:00

I feel a crazed quickening has possessed me: bedazzled by my own madness, as this rare feeling engulfs me. I have fallen in or been lifted up into this overwhelming calmness that has set my flesh ablaze. In every moment and every breath I am embraced by a beautiful and terrifying exuberance. As if I am caught in a ravenous entanglement of blissful rapture with my souls one true counterpart. I feel brand new as If I am walking the last mile to my inevitable death, knowing that it is not the end…but the true beginning.

This is so new, but frustratingly familiar. Have I been here before? Is this a resonance of how I felt before, when I left home and walked with Cross-Walk America? I want to say yes, but I know that would be a lie. Still, this is so familiar. Is it that I almost reached this point, only to let it slip away by falling back into the banal manufactured way of life that was ordered to me? How can I ignore this? How do I return to a way of life I feel I am breaking away from? Its all just a state of mind…a state of being.

Everywhere I go, I feel the obviousness of connectivity. With the people I see I want to release an explosive showering love onto them. In every set of eyes, I see truth, and hope they feel it as well. I am in love with every soul, rhythm, and flow. I have been enchanted and transfixed on the stasis of this moment. I sometimes fear that I will lose this, knowing that my orchestrated anxiety is what will rob me. Desperately I want to share this with others, knowing that my words are much to feeble and would serve only to muddle what I wish to convey.

I think I know how to hold this. It seems much too simple of an activity to have much merit, but it seems to be my right way. I can’t share this feeling within some mechanical theoretical rhetoric. These abstracts, which by most part are passed off as fluff, seem to be evolving…and evolving at an ever-rapid pace. At least this seems to be the case for me. It is as if through out my entire life I have been unaware of this phenomenon or the abstract have been wrapped within a gestation period slowly growing into something much more.

I am terribly sorry if my sad simplistic way of communication is crippling my point and only confusing and nonsensical. The contradiction of admitting that it can’t be explained while still making the brutal attempt is not far from my mind. My purpose is to act as a pseudo explorer and report on my finding. The main premise of that report is this, “THERE IS ANOTHER WORLD OUT THERE!” It exists jus below & above the horizon point of your own perception. Every treasure that you sought to acquirer to ensure the fulfillment of joy in life has been with you in every moment of your voyage. You are the vessel that can carry you to the new world.

Pay no mind to both the internal & external voices of judgment. There is no one person that has the intellectual or spiritual real-estate of concrete truth to dispute what I am saying. The life we live, and how we live has been taught to us through repetitious self-proclaimed rationalism that has built a worldview on the emptiness of opinion. There is no reason why we should allow this to brand of model building to continue. Furthermore, it is the individual who is responsible for their change. You do not need another consent or validation to experience the world & life the way in which your true self needs. To do so is lazy and a determent of self. I know very well, that what I proclaim is difficult and daunting to many. It still is for me. Through compassion, creativity, and eagerness for adventure; there is no limit of the places you and the experiences you will have.

Chapter’s End

2012-02-17T23:45:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 11^th was my last day as a City of Scottsdale Parks & Recreation Leader II. For those of you who don’t know what that means…in a nut shell I was a servant to young and old within the community of Scottsdale, Arizona. A willing servant, just to be to be abundantly clear. I have worked for the COS for over 14 years. Looking back on it know, it does more than blow my mind. I have to admit, I wasn’t your standard recreation leader. If you really know me, you know that I am not the model of excellence or example…at least not for the hollow plasticity that is advertised by status quo of mainstream acceptance. Whatever the hell that means.

I’d like to believe that I did everything I could to stay genuine for the sake of the relationships that I built with kids, parents and other patrons of the public.

It would be nice to say that I was methodical and concise in the rhythm to my madness, but truth be told, its difficult for a person like me to exist in an atmosphere of an institution like a city government. I’m not one to be weary of taboo; in fact, you could say that I am an advocate, if not an out right instigator. What can I say…it must be my karma.

I wish I could say that I did my absolute best. Unfortunately, I don’t have the moxie to deliver such a deep and bold face lie. I know that I could have done better. The upside is to this sobering reality is that I know that I could have done better, and I intend to learn from my mistake. I take with me an infinite pool of un-jaded knowledge from thousands of youth. I have been blessed to have the privilege to learn from so many young folks. From first grade to seniors in high school, all whom have been my greatest teachers. I learned so much about my lack of patience, and how to change that.

My time spent wasn’t just working with the youth of the city; I also had the chance to learn from our community’s elders and middle aged professionals. I will always appreciate the stories you shared and the encouragement to do what I needed from this world. Your words will be with me as I travel across this country. To all of you…young to old, know that I am here becomes of the time spent. Community patrons, coworkers, and bosses, thank you. For all of my complaints, and egocentric hissy fits…I appreciate your ability to deal with them.

Know that I carry you all with me within my heart, mind, and soul. I will never let go the memories of the time we shared & the lesson’s learned. With all my heart…thank you

The Precipice

2012-02-15T23:01:00.000-08:00

Take the time and listen to this conversation. There are some fantastic, yet simple concepts. We are the ones we ar waiting for.

Faulty Heart

2012-02-14T14:08:00.000-08:00

I always fancied myself a romantic. Its funny how good we all are at creating falsified pictures of whom and what we are in our heads. Reality is often sobering. The truth is…I suck in the romance department. My befuddling behavior could be comical if it wasn’t so damn depressing. Don’t get the wrong idea; this is in no way a pity party. I don’t want your sympathy…I’m just being honest.

I don’t know what is worst…being inept in the love department or being blind to my own ineptitude. Yes, this apparent constant phenomenon in my life has just become aware to me. Sad…but the path to true evolution is beset by a road of potholes. I’m not saying I’m on any path to enlightenment. I’d like to think I am, but…never mind. My awkward and saddening inability to function properly over an extensive period of time with a partner is beginning to evolve into a paradox.

As I said, I considered myself a romantic. In hindsight, I guess I just want to be. I have recently taken a seat at the back of my mind and have tried to get a grip on what is actually going on in my head, particularly when it comes to my heart. What I have discovered thus far is my relentless pursuit to find happiness in another. Now, before I go off on a rant, my decision to be relationshipless wasn’t due to some enlightenment…it was nurtured by my own jaded perspective: Paradox #1.

So what began, due to the disappointment of ego, has seemingly shifted to opportunity to examine self. Something sweet is beginning to sprout from the unpleasant soar of broken hearts. I have noticed a change within me. It seems like part of my sentimental side has shut down. Now this is only an assumption. I have to admit, now that I am hyper focused on these matters, I am feeling things in ways that I never have before. This alien feeling could be due to a broken heat…whatever that really means. It could be anticipation for the ride, acceptance of how I function emotionally, or that I just haven’t met anyone that churns my yolk. It could be none or all. I am not sure at the present time.

An issue that is being raised in my mind concerns the bike ride. I am setting out on a journey with a desire to be emotionally naked and vulnerable. To be honest, true, and as real as I possibly can, but as forthcoming as I can be, I feel just and seemingly impenetrable fortitude growing around my heart: Paradox #2. I wonder if this paradox in question is a cause for concern. Does it paint me as disingenuous…a charlatan…a fake? As usual, this all could just be the circumstances of an individual with a long history of over analyzing situations. Still, it does conjure that which is most curious from me.

DOW: Waking Life

2012-02-08T15:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, I am breaking some rules for this weeks documentary of the week. I am suggesting "Waking Life" this week for its provocative nature and thought provoking narrative. As usual, its now up to you to make the choice.

The Memory of You is Much too loud

2012-02-07T00:41:00.000-08:00

I have come to accept that you will always be there. In every activity, contemplation, situation, and experience you are always close to my narrative. I used to believe that I needed to push you out. I used meditation, cycling, work, booze, sexual gratification, & a plethora of other suitable replacements, but still you persist. Always there in the corner of memory, your resonance acts as an anchor to that which I have already experienced.

I felt the unnerving need to push you away. It didn’t matter that you were already gone in form, but your substance was still apparent, and I desired to be free of it. The foolishness slightly over shadows the shortsightedness of this simple minded thought. The last few months, I made it a point to give more credence to meditation through practice. In the beginning, I childishly made this attempte to eradicate all thought of you from my mental lexicon. Over time I came to terms with the silliness of this attempt while learning the value of meditation.

It feels that I have made progress in the strenuous art. You would be surprised how time consuming and uncomfortable self examination can be. Yet, over time one discovers the infinite benefits from said practice. After much time the benefits materialized, even as the memories became much too loud to avoid. Truth seemed to fall out of the sky and drop into my lap. There was never getting over you, not in some mislead idealistic sense of disconnecting thought from reality.

The memory of you is much too loud, and I say…so be it. Let the resonance of your experience scream loud and long. I should not shy from such thoughts. You are a part of the creative force which I collaborated with when designing who I am. I cannot out run you, forget about you, ignore you; because I experienced you, you will always be with me. I no longer see anything wrong with this. Despite how much malice, frustration, and regret I contributed to my time with you; which was no more than an emotional reactionary impulse, I see the necessity of the time shared.

I see the blessing in the commotion we created. At times we were volatile. At times we were blissful. Whether pleasure or pain, all that remains, is that I am ever forever changed because of you. Thank you my dearest for the catalyst you embody. You are part of the transcendental bridge that has brought me to this place…the ever evolving NOW.

DOW: AMERICAN/ The Bill Hicks Story

2012-02-02T11:23:00.000-08:00

In my mind, Bill Hicks is one of the most brilliant and relevant comedians in recent history. As always, Ill let you decide for yourself.

Me, Myself , I…always the Fiend

2012-01-31T00:37:00.000-08:00

I’m terrified to say this. I feel that if I do, I will have destined the idea for failure. Yeah, I have panache for superstition. Still, I feel in a great frame of mind, and I don’t want to doom it. Irrelevant. I’m even missing the damn point. FOCUS!!! Ah yes…there it is. A strange relaxed calmness has subdued me. I am terrified…still I am comforted in this cradle of effortless stillness. I don’t care. ??? Is that it? Is it that I don’t care, or is it that I have lost fear?

Confused yet?

I’ve gotta say that it is the amalgamation of both. I am at the point where I just can’t allow my terror to play tricks with my head. It’s there, and rightfully so…but what the hell am I to do about it? To give it credence is only to give it power and dictation over my thoughts, words, and actions. This isn’t going to do me any good and sure as hell won’t do any good for RISE.

I’m not saying I am immune to relapse. That would be irresponsible to approach this situation in such a manner. The honest to gods truth is that I am just to exhausted to pay it much light. An old friend use to sing a song that went a little bit like this,” Stress is the enemy/ Not a friend of me/ one thing it is/ to be easy going…” I don’t remember the rest…not even sure if it is an original. The point is in the beginning of her mantra. Stress is the enemy…well so are you...er…me. We are our own worst enemies. The moment we feel the stress, the unavoidable tendency is to stress on the stress. This is no good.

I know, it’s clichés …but most of what is, is for a reason. There is nothing on this organic space ship that can obstruct or disenfranchise you like your own head. We are all guilty of the outward condemnation, but truth be told, we are the problem…we get in the way…we create the drama. Our personal filters are filled with purpose, but they can bring damnation and brimstone in the blink of an eye.

I’m with you…it is so easy to pass the buck onto an external force…be it a person or situation. Let’s be real though…it is nothing more than lazy and immature antics from people who have the misfortune of learned infantilism. I’m speaking for all of us now. I hope this small egocentric notion doesn’t distract you from my point. If I have one…do I ever?

Ok…now I am really confused.

Is there a solution to this madness? I don’t know about solution, but I might be able to pull an argument about purpose out my saddle side. In my tiny mind, I must submit to the profound properties of patience. Also, I must ask…how much do you have. Let me clarify. How much patience do you have to process and gleam those terrible & beautiful thoughts you have? You and I both know you have more than a Noah’s boatload for every second you breath. How often do you pay attention to them? Do you allow yourself the time to find any particular pattern of thought?

There is a whole lot of talk about paying attention to your surroundings and the world. I agree with those sentiments too, but how do you “PAY ATTENTION” to the chaos that orbits your head, without having a grasp on what’s happening inside it? Training oneself to become hyper focus on the outside world can be the culprit to missing out on the source of your personal universe…YOU! Any issues that we experience in life, no matter how external they seem, are no more than an extension of our internal dysfunction. The individual will always be the greatest capture and liberator of self.

DOW: DMT The Spirit Molecule

2012-01-22T09:36:00.000-08:00

To learn more about DMT and Dr. Strassman's research, click on the link below.

DMT: The Spirit Molecule

A Stadium of Annoyance Between My Ears

2012-01-21T10:57:00.000-08:00

I have made a small discovery in the last few months while undergoing my rigid meditative practice. Well, it isn’t that rigid. I’m no shaman or monk. Time after time my thoughts go to some interesting places in my mind. It wanders its way back to memories of those I no longer interact with.

Some more than others…some much much more than others.

Also, and somewhat disconcerting, I realize how much of a judgmental prick I can be. Let me clarify this…I can be a MONUMENTALY SAVAGE JUDGMENTAL PRICK…I’m sorry? It is nothing more than the occupational hazard of one who spends his time observing the human condition. Excuses…excuses.

These two observations of self-awareness have only strengthened my decision to take a break from my time in fellowship with others. This has allowed me to do much-needed self-reflection. The more I take the time to check in, the more I begin to recognize where it is those squirrely thoughts of mine drift. Memories of those in my past and judgment of outside forces are my primary influences of self imposed distractions.

I can only speak for myself, but static in the mind seems to be the acceptable normality. We live in a paradigm of distractive discord… a paradigm where our head is assaulted at all times. I could blame an outside source, but truth be told, our own head is a carnivorous cannibal that eats at its own concentration. Did that even make sense? Suppose it did. Name a time in the day when you aren’t over run by thoughts that consist of yesterdays, tomorrows, or the jerk off standing next to you. How often do those thoughts impede on the focus of what you are actually doing? As you can see, in these last few blogs a pattern is emerging. Can you see it?

I keep coming back to this notion or meditation of the ever evolving now. It is a concept that demands discipline and compassion of ones self. For it is those moments when I recognize how far I have drifted from the “moment” that I not only snap back to it, but I notice how easy it is to get lost. This simple truth reminds me of the compassion I need for others, as well as for myself. To drift and judge is a normal occurrence. We don’t know another form of thinking, nor were we taught. That is why self-awareness is so important. I have to ask myself why I judge him or why I think of her. You may never peel enough of the onion to find the concrete truth, abandoning the excavation isn’t an option. At least it isn’t for me.

The fluidity of thought is beautiful and unfortunately underestimated all to often. It’s easy to fall victim to thought pattern. That’s the bitch of it. Thought is just as common as breath, and it is those common elements that are so easy to glaze over and forget. Taking the time that I have has been beneficial, but I am no expert. I am more of a child in this game. Only time spent in self conscious meditation will help me to grow…will help us all to grow.

DOW: The US vs John Lennon

2012-01-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

You Say You Want A rEvolution

A New New Year

2012-01-08T22:40:00.000-08:00

With the bike ride just around the corner, I felt it fitting to do something different for new years. Instead of my usual, being with a loved one and participating in the consumption of tasty fermented beverages, I thought the time would best be spent in reflection. Reflection of the past year, and the path that lay ahead…this was a time that was very much needed. With an early night to bed, I was up by 3:30am. After a small breakfast and coffee, I headed out solo style to one of my favorite places in Arizona: Bell Rock, Sedona!

I jammed out to “Puscifer” and “Of Monsters and Men” while enjoying the vast darkness that was sprinkled with starlight from above. I arrived at the Bell Rock Park around 6:30am. A subtle glow was interrupting the black night sky from the east. The world was still turning. This was a very good sign. Now I’m not gonna lie…it was creepy as hell out there in the vacant wilderness at predawn…beautiful, but creepy.

I made my way carefully through the darkness…despite my surrounding conjuring memories of the “Evil Dead” franchise. I made my way to the mound I desired to scale. This is actually an amazing and impressive undertaking. Sure I frequent Bell Rock at least once a month, but the area in question, I hadn’t been to in 12 years…and I was experiencing boundary disillusion at the time. Once to the top, (which isn’t impressively high at all) it hit me. Sitting there alone in the wilderness with Bell Rock just to the south, the gravity of what the future held slapped me repeatedly. It seems daunting, but really in the scope of the fantastic EVERYTHING, it is just as insignificant as it is significant.

There in the valley, I witnessed how small I am…how small we all are. This feeling was magnified as the beam of light reached out and kissed the valley floor. With sage burning I asked for blessings. I asked for it from the earth under me, the sky above me, the 4 directions that surround me, and the year ahead of me for safe passage. I asked knowing that trouble & hardship will be entwined with ecstasy & jubilation. As I asked, I promised to respect every lesson placed before my path.

I am not the wisest of men. In my time I have made great mistakes. I have hurt those I have professed my love for, as well as place monumental judgment on those who I did not know, or disagreed with. With great pretentiousness, I proclaimed a life style that should be lived while I lived no such way. When surrounded by others I have pontificated philosophies based on the words written by other women and men. I am man wrought with imperfections that at times have been amplified by my impulsive irrationalism. All one can do is forgive…forgiveness of oneself and for those who now lay in the wake of the past’s tenures.

The sun had risen and the prayer had come to its natural end. It was now time to enjoy the wonderful playground that has been loaned to me. Before I left the Bell Rock area, I had to do what I always do. Head as high as I am comfortable with and witness all the land that is called Sedona! About a quarter of the way up Bell, I had the pleasure of meeting Nyto, a 23 year old from Tokyo, Japan. Speaking broken English I comprehended his desire to reach the top. After a few attempts of my standard communication, I just motioned for my new friend to follow me. He must have understood, cause he stayed on my heals. Together we reached my favorite spot. We burned some sage, shared some clementine’s, and snapped some photos while engaging in our learned form of communication.

The "I don't know what to do, so I will give a Peace Sign pose."

Welcome to The Red Rocks

We made it safely down the mountain and parted ways at the parking lot. From there, I once again ventured solo visiting Cathedral Rock and treating myself to a fine meal in Jerome, AZ at the The Mile High. I can honestly say that it was a great way to spend the birth of a New Year, and it was definitely one of the best ones I have had in a long time. I can’t sit here and attempt to pretend that I had a great lesson to preach to you…the viewer. I had my experience, and for me it was opening and filled with grace. Now turn off your computer…and go have your own experience.

DOW: 2012- Time For Change

2012-01-04T11:48:00.000-08:00

So, I decided...at this moment, that along with my usual weekly blogs, I will start doing a Documentary of The Week...or DOW. I'll try to maintain this as long as I can. I won't go into a break down on any of the films. You'll be introduced to the film via trailer, at that point you can decide if you want to discover more about the film.

2012: Time For Change

For more info on 2012: Time for Change. Click on the website below.

www.2012timeforchange.com

For other Resources go to Reality Sandwhich

Get Rich or Die Mayan

2012-01-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

I was originally going to title this little ditty, “Prophecy, Season, & Crotch hair: The Fundamentals of Maya”. It’s a good thing I didn’t; It’s obvious there is already to much confusion on this fine subject. We all have Paul Germinaro to thank for the title change. He is with out a doubt the ugliest muse I have ever had, but by god an efficient one. Next time any of you folks are lucky enough to see this handsome man, give him a pat on the back. Yes...I am aware of the contradiction in those last two sentences.

2012 is upon us, and my GOD there is sooooo much Hoopla surrounding it. I know…I know. There may be some of you out there shaking your head at the screen, giving my name grief. I admit…I am a fan of the whole 2012 mythos, and I do speak about it much more than I probably should. There are some things you just don’t talk about in front of the squares. The entire subject seems to have been blown out of proportion though. The villain in question in this scenario isn’t the Maya. Sadly, its average dysfunctional American who loves watching shit blow up. Mix that with a ridiculously lame movie, and you’ve got a fine tonic for depraved chest thumping behavior.

So, I saw the John Cusack film 3 times. I know…I said it was trash, but the effects were outlandishly fiendish and I’m and American. American’s have a long history of dignified atrocities; we invented manifest destiny, atomic weaponry, high cholesterol, and American Idol…we know how to fuck shit up. As for Cusack, come on bro! I use to be such a fan. First, 2012: the inexcusable tragedy in question. Now you’re the opiate-head Poe solving a murder mystery. Poe is the Godfather of Emo…you be slippin son. Wait…now that I think of it, seems like a fitting evolution.

DIDN’T YOU KNOW? KICK BOXING IS THE SPORT OF THE FUTURE!

Ummmm…Sorry bout that.

Before we begin, lets acknowledge just a few of the counter arguments to the theorized Mayan Prophecy of end times. Could it be that the Maya were just eccentric heathens with panache for human sacrifice and intricate stone tablet carving? Sure, can’t you imagine the calories burned with those activities? Is it possible that they simply ran out of time and/or resources when conducting their long-term calendar? Why those trickster tribes men.

In my understanding, which I admit, is nothing to boast about; the commercialized idea about the Mayan’s calendar seems a bit maladjusted. Again, it’s that good ol’ American fascination with sensationalism. If you’re looking for a protagonist or creator of the sensationalist mentality and end time hysteria, there are plenty of old time religions with a greater following to pin the blame on. To give the Mayan a bit of credit I suggest foraging through the theories that equate the “Long-Term Mayan Calendar with cycles. These theories have a bit more of a firm root in rational non-sensational thinking.

All one needs to do, is just pay the slightest bit of attention to life, both on this planet, and what is known about it elsewhere. I know…the official extraterrestrial story hasn’t been disclosed. You’re just gonna have to focus on life span of stars when think about life off world. Everywhere you examine life, the concept of cycles are connected to it. Just to name a few: days, seasons, plants, animals, humans, menstrual, lunar, solar, etc. etc etc. You smoking what I’m loading yet? Is it possible that a civilization that is known for being mathematically inclined to have grasped a greater cycle that their long-term calendar represents? This knowledge could have been passed down from pre-Mayan culture.

Now I am no Mayan scholar…I just play one on Facebook & Twitter, but the accepted mainstream theory should widen to include alternative possibilities rather then mere destruction. The thing about cycles is that it is a process. Let’s say the Mayan are right. You think you’re gonna wake up on the morning of the winter solstice of 2012 to alien invasion and zombie apocalypse? Sounds like good times to me, but…GET REAL!!! It’s a process and it happens over time. You don’t plant a seed one day only to find a huge tree the very next? You didn’t wake up one morning in your early preteens to a massive main of pubic hair? Well maybe some of you had issues with that second thought. Don’t ask, I have no idea where these thoughts spew.

The longer the cycle is the higher the difficulties in observing the fundamental occurrences, which define the attributes of a cycle. If there is anything to the prophecy, we are living it now, and have been living it our entire lives. People like to pile on a ton of criticism on ancient cultural prophecy and label them as primitive and hokey. Let us not forget that the majority of our mainstreams faiths have enough exciting end time content to give Michael Bay his next summer blockbuster. The Transformers wouldn’t have a snowballs chance in hell at the box office.

As I said in the beginning of this rant, I love the Mayan mythos…I love the possibility of 2012…and it has nothing to do with cataclysmic devastation. For me it is about mysterious possibility, and a positive one for that matter. There is one thing about prophecy…its always-in motion. We live it and breath it constantly. I don’t even care whether or not you believe in religion, spirituality, or new age perspectives. We all have a worldview model that we attach ourselves to, and every model has a beginning, middle, and end in its archetypal structure. By living out your chosen paradigm, you are enacting your prophecy. As long as we are all doing this…lets make it worthwhile for every living creature that roams free…

…yes, that includes bacteria.

XOXO

CULTURE IS YOUR OPERATING SYSTEM

2011-12-30T19:01:00.000-08:00

By
Terence McKenna

If you would like to learn more about Terence Mckenna and his work, visit the website Terence McKenna Land.

NOW Is All that Exists

2011-12-26T22:26:00.000-08:00

This whole idea of living in the moment seems to be much more complex then advertised by your usual free spirited hippy or drunkard. The vague concept is usually a staple expressed by the likes of an individual who follows the “Dead” while out on tour. It’s also used as a hefty defense for those promiscuous characters when speaking on their exploits. Either I’m an idiot, or most of the individuals mentioned above are full of shit. I’ll walk the middle ground and just say it is probably a bit of both. Truly living in the moment is one of the most grueling and disciplined meditations I have ever experimented with.

This idea is constantly advocated when talking about moments of what could only be the sheer preciousness of jubilation. Well who the hell wouldn’t want to get lost in a moment of exuberance?! It’s the mundane and/or out right disappointing moments you don’t want to hold onto. Pure rubbish. As Hunter would say, “Anything worth doing…is worth doing right.” In my mind, this loosely translates into…why do something if you’re gonna half-ass the damn thing. Any softheaded simpleton can and is willing to submit to a blissful moment. That doesn’t take much effort. What else do you expect from a nation that prides itself on an over abundance of instant gratification.

I have found the meditation of experiencing the NOW to be just as difficult and time consuming as good posture & correct breathing (For those of you that laughed out loud at that statement, I challenge you to do either one for 15 min). It doesn’t seem hard, but it isn’t a skill or trade that is forced upon us to learn. Besides, it is seemingly to under-stimulating and mundane for a lazy population to give much credence. I have found this certain point of view to be folly, and one that has put a self imposed limitation on an individual’s potential.

I’ve never read Eckhart Tolle, and I do understand the fundamental properties of the philosophy that is “The Law of Attraction”. So what I am talking about isn’t anything new. How true the words ring, “There is a difference in knowing the path and walking the path.” It’s funny what makes an impression on you in this world isn’t it? I’ve known of this meditation for sometime, but I have been distracted by worldly and living static to focus. That and being conditioned for spiritual laziness, is it any wonder that most of us live in the fog? I am no expert or guru, but I am learning, and at my own pace.

Recently I work at being more mindful of the moment. I attempt to pay attention to my thoughts and where they are taking me. Thoughts are like a fire, and the time given to each thought is like adding more fuel to be burned, which only perpetuates the fires life span. I try to focus my attention to the simple truth that there is only this moment and it should be honored. Yesterday has already been passed by and tomorrow hasn’t occurred. All you ever have is right now. No matter what you are doing: Reading this blog, sweeping the floor, crying from heartache, or laughing with friends. There is only this moment, and to allow your mind to wonder to other realms, long since passed or a future trajectory, is to miss what is happening in the NOW.

This is a practice that I fail, succeed, and ultimately learn from every day since I have started; which hasn’t been that long ago. My goal is obviously to keep this concept in mind. That’s the practice. PAY ATTENTION! The trick is not to make it a hassle or get down on yourself when you lose focus. Have as much patience & compassion for yourself as you should have for others. There is plenty of static in the world. We are constantly assaulted by what seems to be a strategized campaign of forceful noise. Why add to it by allowing that inner critic to editorialize it’s cynicism.

Pulling Away is Walking Forward

2011-12-20T21:17:00.000-08:00

Recently, I’ve been spending a tremendous amount of time by myself. You could say that I have always been like this. Even when I do go out, I usually keep to myself. I am big into observation and not very good at casual chit-chat. My brain doesn’t function properly in monotonous chatter. My God that sound pretentious! So be it. Still, I find this period in my life much different compared to my personal historic patterns or habits..

For starters, this is the first time in my life that I don’t have a romantic partner or a hetero-lifemate that I spend my personal time with. I guess you can call this being “codependent”. Okay, that is exactly what you can call it. For the past month I have all but isolated myself from most individuals in my world. When I do have the opportunity to spend time with friends, I try to make the most of it, honoring the time I am sharing with them. For the most part I have decided to stay away, learning the art of detachment.

To some, this may be a sign of depression. Maybe it is, but learning how to fill your time with you (this doesn’t include TV time) is a discipline in its own right. It has taken me a month just to recognize this simple truth. I have found bliss in the simplicity of life’s ignored treasure. Reading a book, doing my laundry, cleaning my living space, or writing this blog. Some people are better than others with this…I am not one of those people. After a month of pseudo-seclusion, I have found a breath of fresh air. Keep in mind, you will never be left wanting any corn or cheese when reading my sporadic lingo.

I have to admit, this isolation is premeditated and is rife with the idea that I want it to be well thought out. One of the culprits for this detachment is the cross-country bicycle ride waiting just a few months down the road. Stepping outside of one's comfort zone is, without a doubt, jarring. Stepping out is a bit of an understatement. One could say I am being shot from a canon, landing just beyond the horizon line view of what used to be a comfort zone. I’m not just making assumptions. I’ve been in a similar situation walking cross-country. I was so far away from my norm, the first two weeks were miserable. I cried like a child with ADHD that had his PSP confiscated. It wasn’t a pretty sight. The journey confronting me dwarfs my previous exploit without question.

I'm quitting my job in a horrible economic climate without a coveted degree to prove to an employer that I have value; all so that I can participate in a personal pilgrimage with a trusted friend, for god knows how long. The idea is to begin an open dialog about suicide and the societal pressures that contribute to the suicidal ideology for so many people. This new yearning for romanticized adventure does have a tendency to raise questions. Sweet Jesus...I have a thousand questions! Most people don’t get it, and have many concerns for my safety. I’m sure many of those are secretly concerned with my mental safety as well.

I recognize the fact that this isn’t normal behavior, but respect the truth that this isn’t an isolated incident. People do this all the time, case in point, as I stated earlier this is my second crack at it. Sorta. Depending on your circle, you may or may not hear about those who for what ever reason follow the magnet the pulls them to a life on the road. As much as I will miss loved ones, I can’t allow that child like notion of homesickness, if that’s what I am talking about, influence my reactions and interactions while doing my Frodo thing.

As usual, I am probably over thinking the situation, but this happens to be one of the ways my brain functions. Besides, introspective thought process has been a great mediation for the practice of letting go and falling into the moment of the always evolving NOW.

The Dichotomy of Mental Diarrhea

2011-11-27T20:50:00.000-08:00

You know, it's entirely too cliché to use such life slogans as “I am entering a new phase in my life” or “I am beginning a new chapter”. Truth be told, I am nowhere near as creative or clever as I pretend. If you don’t find it in my incoherent writing, I’m sure I’ll talk more about fallacy further down the road. What I am attempting to say is that I have no other way to describe my new phase or chapter without being so cliché. Whatever!

In 90 days, I will be embarking on an adventure of epic life-altering proportions (one would hope)! Along with a buddy of mine, I am going to ride my bicycle over 7,000+ miles through 21 states and 110 cities. This ride is inspired by the suicides of our brothers and thus is dedicated to suicide awareness and the healing power of art. If you’re interested, go to www.risephoenix.org, because that is not what this blog is about. This is about the ramifications, if you want to call them that, about said bike ride.

I’d be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t on the verge of freaking the fuck out. The curiosity of the situation is that I am not entirely sure why. People ride or walk across the country all the time. In fact, I have already walked across the country. Kinda. It was from Phoenix to DC and I was the cameraman for a documentary about the walk. I did have a vehicle from time to time, but in 5 months I did a tremendous amount of walking. Seriously, there were days I thought we were actually going into Mordor to throw the ring into the fires of Mt. Doom. The point is…sorry, I’m struggling to find my point. If I have one…the point is: I have just recently awoken to the enormity of the task I am about to set out to do.

These emotions are a hodge-podge of emotional content. Nothing organized, more like a dysfunctional salad bar. You could say I could probably go for some serious repetition of meditation sessions. Is it the physicality of riding 7,000+ miles? Is it living on the road without knowing where food or shelter will be acquired? Is it living on the road for 7 months? Is it being away from my comfort zone? Circle of friends? Airing my dirty laundry to complete strangers? Is it expressing my opinions on my views of reality? YES!!! And…no.

Having had the experience of a slow-paced cross-country challenge, I have an idea of what to expect. It’s the detachment or separation anxiety I felt in the first 2 weeks of my cross-country walking expedition. I know what is out there waiting for me…ok, what could be waiting for me. I feel that I have been in a purgatory of some kind for the past month. Living between two worlds: the one I have known for 34 years and the world waiting for me on March 1^st, 2012. Waiting for me?! I’m knee deep in prologue...

A Thousand words!

2011-08-14T00:55:00.000-07:00

Original Photo by Zak Chipps / Photo Manipulation by Thomas Brown

Since I was a young child I have always wanted to be a storyteller. I have always been fascinated with the lessons that each story presents. For many years I believed the only way to do this was through motion photography. As the idea has evolved, I have drifted more and more toward still photography. I have struggled with which medium I should chose to master. That sentiment seems irrelevant now. Why not do both? For the past year I have felt that I lost my Artistic Mojo, but it seems that I am finding my groove again. Like every other aspect of life, self expression has its ebb and flow.

Original Photo & Manipulation by Thomas Brown

With the R.I.S.E. bike tour on the horizon, I am beginning to come back out of the darkness of artistic block. I am rediscovering the beauty of the captured moment in still photography. The transition back into the light of infinite possibility has been made easier with the Iphone as my paintbrush. The potential for healing through out is a profound endeavor, and I encourage all to take the voyage of self discovery on winds of the artist that resides in each and everyone of us. Dare to be fearless and create your world.

PEACE

Original Photo & Manipulation by Thomas Brown

Long Overdue

2011-08-12T13:22:00.000-07:00

What ever your opinion is of the underground group anonymous is irrelevant. Whether you agree or disagree, I would hope that you can see past the constructs of your own systems and hear the words that were written long ago. For me it is not about the messenger, but the message itself.

Creativity, Compassion, Community, & Collaboration

will always RISE above competition.

R.I.S.E.

The Simplicity of Cosmic Giggles

2011-07-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

I promise I will get to the concept of "Cosmic Giggle" in a future post. The term is not my own, but one that I borrow from a man named terence McKenna.

There are probably only 2 people on this planet that will get the reference to the term "Cosmic Giggle" and the video below. I shot this last saturday night at the Old Town Tavern in Scottsdale. 3/4 of the band Dirty Ling are the performers. They lived two houses down from me at the same time this song was introduced to me. Again, only two people on the planet will understand the significance.

IPhone 4 OWLE Encinema 35mm Test

2011-04-10T21:31:00.000-07:00

As of three weeks ago, I am one of 4 individuals who have been planning a cross country bicycle tour spanning 6,000+ miles talking about suicide and the transformative healing powers of ART. As a video artist, I want to capture the journey on digital video and produce a documentary about the group's adventure.

Below is my first test with the OWLE & Encinema 35mm conversion gear. This equipment helps me transform my Iphone 4 into a HD camera with interchangeable lenses. There are many more experiments to come. As you can see, I had a hair in the lens and the Encinema adapter was out of frame, which is why you can see black on the edges. Enjoy the experiment.

Before

After

THE EXPERIMENT

MORE TO COME...

A Thomas Brown Rant

2011-04-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

Please visit my Youtube and check out my films.

Thomas Brown Rant

My latest film "REDEMPTION" was shot last September with a skeleton crew.

REDEMPTION

The Power of ART

2011-04-03T11:21:00.001-07:00

“The art’s task is to save the soul of mankind; and anything less is a dithering while Rome burns. Because of the artists, who are self-selected, for being able to journey into the Other, if the artists cannot find the way, then the way cannot be found.”

—Terrence McKenna,
message to Artists