To Hate or not to Hate

We are Paradox

          

            I am at the point in my journey where I am encountering some uncharted territory, uncharted in the realm of RISE.  Yet, another variable involved that I unfortunately didn’t prepare myself, is opening up to the world and unexpectedly receiving a negative reaction.  I have entered the word of the shark infested water that is a hater.   Within this new landscape, I have witnessed the reflection of my own ego and past starring back at me.  I’ll get back to that in a moment.  First things first…what is a hater?

            I think we all know what and who a hater is, but for the sake of arguments let me attempt my perspective…which is another way of saying…my opinion.  A Hater is someone who expresses a profound dislike for another’s opinion, worldview, and actions.  Can we agree upon this?  I sure hope so.  This explanation is a very straightforward, yet vague and objective definition.  Shall we dig deeper…ok. 

At the very core, a hater is someone who is so frightened and pathetically sad with in the life they are leading in this world.  They are crippled by that internal voice of self degradation unable to answer the call of their internal bliss.  How can one answer such a call when they are overcrowded with self doubt?  It is a concept that they resonate the word impossible with.  Frustrated and jealous, they viciously lash out at any who are a contradiction to their own failures as a person.  The longer a person remains in the perceptional world as a hater, they become more of a victim to their own inadequacies.  This depressive and morbid cycle is only strengthened as they continue to project such inadequacies onto the illusion of an external enemy.

I know what some of you may be thinking; such a harsh assessment of another human being.  Furth more, isn’t my description a precise example of said assessment.  I would answer that question with an obvious “YES”  I share such harsh tones not in an attempt to describe those that have been hating on RISE or myself.  I am using this braod definition in order to describe who I am.  Yes, I am a “hater”.  I have been one in the past, I fall into the pattern from time to time in my present, and I work to be free of that self victimization for my future.

At this moment in time, I feel a sense of clarity to make an attempt to describe my life as a hater.  For far to long, I bought into my own fear and insecurity and built a shrine to my life as a victim.  Through dedication and hard work, I refortified my shrine, by buying into the idea of an external enemy or reason for my own failures in this world.  The truth is, as the video above expressed, there are no external enemies.  There is only a projection of our own maladjusted suffering.  Thankfully, this pattern of behavior is not void of correction

            As human beings, we have infinite opportunities to evolve and transcend from such a one sided frame of mind.  We are paradox.  We live in light and darkness, as well as we live with frustration and contentment.  It does all come back to choice.  The only obstacle that stands between freedom and victimhood is our own perception.  It takes patience and compassion of self to be present within the vast world of our own thoughts.  Let us not forget that we choose which thoughts you nourish in building such a world view.  I invite all who read to walk the path of personal observation.  In the end…it is up to you to choose to hate, or choose to love.

A meeting with the goddess…in Austin?

The Meeting with the Goddess

The meeting with the goddess represents the point in the adventure when the person experiences a love that has the power and significance of the all-powerful, all encompassing, unconditional love that a fortunate infant may experience with his or her mother. It is also known as the "hieros gamos", or sacred marriage, the union of opposites, and may take place entirely within the person. In other words, the person begins to see him or herself in a non-dualistic way. This is a very important step in the process and is often represented by the person finding the other person that he or she loves most completely. Although Campbell symbolizes this step as a meeting with a goddess, unconditional love and /or self unification does not have to be represented by a woman.

            There comes a time within the quest & journey of every hero, when she/ he must encounter the goddess.  Why is this?  Cause Joseph Campbell says so.   I didn’t make the rules up, I’m just a witness damn it!  Just go with it.  As I travel on my journey that is RISE, I to have crossed path with the powerful feminine that is the Goddess.  For me, this encounter took place in Austin, TX.  I know…I wouldn't have expected it either, but the hero’s journey will drag you kicking and screaming through some wild shit.  It's best to just let go and flow.  Savvy?

            On this particular meeting, the goddess revealed herself in many forms.  One in particular was incarnated through a woman named Jessica.  Although she cannot remember the details, this was not the first time I had the pleasure of meeting this exquisite creature.  Our paths first crossed in Scottsdale, AZ 6 years earlier.  Only a hand shake, smile, & a simple greeting was exchanged, but it made enough of a mark to resonate all these years later.  Another connection was made, this time by a mutual teacher; a woman whom Jessica & I have worked with.

I contacted Jessica in November 2011 to chat with her about RISE, and after a serendipitous conversation took place, she put forth the invitation for Zak and I to stay with her when we passed through Austin.  Little did I know what was set into motion.  Ignorance is not always so blissful.  As time passed and the journey was underway, we continued connecting with small dose of communication, I could hear the shift taking place in this strangers life as if I was living it with her.  You would have to ask her if she was witness to any shift within me.

            As we arrived at her living space, I was overwhelmed with a fantastic wave of energy.  I liken the sensation to an anticipated wave that crashes over you as you stand waist deep in the ocean.  Anticipated…yes, but still powerful.  Jessica had already displayed a spectacular way of communication, and our short time together was no different.  I found it necessary to shed the awe inspiring force that saturated me within her presence.  To fail to do so would be to forfeit my power to her.  This would have robbed both of us from learning and sharing a genuine experience, and there was too much to learn in such short order.  I made the choice to ground myself so that we may both gain from our interactions.  Surprisingly, this was something I had to do every morning.

            The second night in town, Jessica presented an invitation to accompany her to a weekly ritual called ecstatic dance.  I agreed, but attended as a witness.  Holy Jumping Shiva did I witness.  It was a powerful moment for me while on this cross country trek.  There were close to 40 people engaged in a beautiful and archaic form of expression.  They danced…and danced…and danced.  As each individual performed different styles and released a dramatic display of living poetry that captured my attention from the time the first movement was set in motion.

            Within minutes, I was shattered with an incredible amount of stimulation.  I had to quickly devise a selective viewing meditation in order to not get lost in the cluster.   Within my space, my utter stillness…I danced.  To those with an untrained eye, would see me as separate, but through my particular dance…I was touched & touched back all who were in this shared space.  Deeper I fell into a trance like state; I was slammed with a vision with Jessica as the primary focal point.  The room was a mandala & all the occupants, the moving pattern.  At the center was Jessica.  A door revealed itself in the center.

            This doorway was an invitation…an invitation and revelation.  For far too long I have basked in the fantasy of the life in which I wanted to live.  I always knew where I wanted to be and how I wanted to do it, but I always made up the excuses.  In Arizona, my dear friend Ashley was my link into this world.  She loves art, music, nature, dance, & connecting.  It was our mutual respect & love for these activities that pulled us together.  In my mind, I was always the first person ready to go on an adventure with Ash, but I never did.  I always made the excuse to stay in my mind.  I was without action, and miserable for it.  For this I am truly sorry.

            As the week went on, I shared more experiences & insight with Jessica.  We created space for one another to bounce thoughts & feeling back and forth.  I am eternally grateful for the time given to us to walk the same road, if for only a moment.  Who I was before I entered Austin, is not the same person who will be leaving.  At this moment, so near to ground zero, to make an attempt to describe it all in words would be a disservice.  One thing is for certain: on this Journey, The Goddess was revealed in Austin, she revealed love through truth.

            To place the label of Goddess on Jessica, I feel is a heavy burden, and maybe just a bit unfair.  She is more than that.  However, the Goddess encompasses all:  woman & men, element & situation.  She is a perfect personification of love, love of others & of self.  Through my experience, I have found what I want in a companion.  I can only hope that I do not lose sight of that intention.  To exude love with a true companion, the two must be the best of friend, the truest confidant, and equal partners without judgment.  When this takes form, the door to the divine is open, and the possibilities are endless.


                                                                         RISE!

I looked into the eyes of a stranger and witnessed my own

My entire life has seemed as if I was missing an element that many of my close friends had in rich abundance.  For 34 years, I have known very little of the extended family that I share the same blood with.  As far back as I can remember, it has always been a small family of 6 of us, and that number has dwindled to four.  Of those four, I am the youngest by a few decades. 

As a small child I can remember infrequent visits to Kansas, the land of my kin. Unfortunately, those ended in the winter of second grade.  Since that distant past, my family has mirrored that of the desert we live in.  A vast array of wide open space that seems light years away from known civilization.  We were a small satellite that had drifted far beyond its original orbit, and had all but lost the ability to transmit relative communication.

I never had the ability to entirely understand how this bloodline isolation has affected me through out my personal narrative.  How could I have without a frame of reference?  While I must admit that I always carried a curiosity in the back of my mind, I had abandoned a quest to seek out where I come from.  Who needs to know?  I made the decision long ago, that I would rather put forth my energy to blaze a new trail, rather than look for what was once behind me.

Once again, the universal flow has a way of bringing old questions back to the foreground.  The vehicle that is RISE has once again been an avenue for my journey of self discovery.  This part of the story brings us to Norman, OK where I had the pleasure of meeting two 2^nd cousins for the first time.  While I only shared space with Mikie Kinkead Tresemer for the one evening, I stayed with Terri Kinkead Owens.  The first evening Zak & I met extended members of my bloodline & watched the OKC Thunder play the L.A. Lakers in NBA playoff.  The entire experience was surreal.  Coupled with wine and tour through contemporary family history, I was passed through a stage of traumatic internal realization.

For the first time in my life, I knew I was not alone.  Unveiled before me was new history that was rich and brought forth such so much truth in to who Browns really are.  I am constantly surprised by what blessings have been bestowed upon my path while of the voyage of RISE.  There was no was to predict the chorus of love that I had encountered in Norman.  One observation that grabbed my attention from the beginning was the obvious resemblance I saw of myself in both Mikie & Terri.  There are no words to express my infinite gratitude to see my eyes looking back at me.  I felt like I had come home.

Leaving Norman, I completely underestimated how the departure would make me feel.  It was certainly a mixed bag of emotions.  I wanted more time with my newfound family, but was overwhelmed with the utmost feeling of gratitude for the opportunity to be in their company.  We still keep in touch, and I am already making plans to see them on my return journey.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             I will see you again…

                                                                                                            …but not yet.