In the Blink of an Eye

The universe…scratch that, all of existence is a mighty and infinite holographic program.  It’s quit all right.  I have no idea what that means in any intellectual thought pattern.  I have given up on figuring it out.  I can only suggest that you do too.  Instead, I choose to dance with the mystery with an awesome open intention of good will.  Like many things, the process to blessedness is a rocky road.  What am I talking about?  What is this purpose of this new age stew I am vomiting out via binary medium?  Again, it isn’t an intellectual phenomenon.  The only way I can fathom to describe what it is I am failing miserably (as usual) to convey, is summed with one word:  LOVE.

As I am confused, swirling endlessly in the chaos, I am sure to frustrate you with my nonlinear gibberish.  If you are still sitting there reading this, thank you…and I am sorry.  Let me attempt to make sense of all of this.  A few weeks ago I posted a blog about my experience in Austin, TX.  I experienced first hand in a long time, the felt presence of the goddess.  I felt her in me, the land, the experience, and in a woman.  The encounter has permeated through out my very being since that time.  At this moment, I feel that my feet have once again landed on solid ground.  This isn’t to say there wasn’t a struggle in the process of landing.

I found myself spiritually and emotionally jammed.  There was no fluidity or balance within my mind, body, or soul.  Instead, I was congested with attachment of paradoxical outcomes.  On one side, I found a mesmerizing match for partnership in Jessica.  On the other side, I knew there was one dramatic difference that had no way of reconciliation. My mind fragmented by such polarized views, I desperately lurched for logic & reason.  Logic & reason…recently I have discovered that these concepts are just cultural ordinance.

Within my internal conflict, a new catalyst ascended upon me.  I met my mortality.  Entering Baton Rogue, LA I had no idea what terror of brutal honesty patiently awaited my arrival.  I was near the end of my riding day, and learning the true ignorance that drivers had for cyclists.  Entering dense traffic area where highways & Interstates intertwined, I was forced to maneuver amongst the steel behemoths of the road.  The flow of traffic on my side of the road was merging onto I-10.  Besides being frowned upon for cyclist to be on the interstate, it wasn’t heading anywhere near my destination of the day.

 

With no vehicles approaching behind me, and none making signals communicating their intention to do so, I made my way across the exiting lane to stay my course.  With no warning the first van cuts across my path, allowing less than an inch between writing this blog and setting Zak on a mission to finish this tour without me.  You always hear people talk about that moment when they face the idea of death in such a personal way.  They speak of a flash, and a magnificent montage of ones entire life playing back to them in a singular moment. 

As I moved at the hectic pace of life, time slowed down.  Every fiber of every muscle locked into a fixed position.  My mind, which is always flying at light speed with infinite thought, became void and empty.  The white flash struck me.  I felt as if I was outside of myself.  Every memory played itself out in an instant.  A hologram of visual of every experience surrounded me as if I was inside a globed theatre screen.  Within that flash, something within took control.  A deep rooted instinct that is instilled in all of us took the reigns and guided me as far as it could from harms way.  The distance to safety may have been centimeters, but it felt like travelling a vast ocean.

Before I could come back into a sense of calm, a truck cut me off.  Again, missing me by less than an inch, and the entire scenario repeated itself.  Finally making it to safe shoulder, I stopped to center myself.  This also means I checked the contents of my shorts.   After calming down, I decided my day of riding had come to an end.  My effort to truly contemplate my own mortality, now that I have a greater sense of context, had begun. 

In the last few weeks, I have often looked back at that moment in space-time where everything froze in place, and what I discovered has changed, and will continue to change as I do.  Life is a hologram that shows us possibilities.  It is a hologram that can both bend to our will or just bend us.  It is a relationship of give and take.  It is a mystery that reflects all that we are back to us.  It depends on our eyes and awareness to witness the possible that dance before us.  For too long have I locked myself out of the room where patience and acceptance dwell.  I desire to give myself to the process and abandon distraction so that I may ascend to my rightful bliss.  This is a practice…a daily practice…a momentary practice.  I don’t wish to waste anymore time debating my purpose or path.