No Direction But To Follow What You Know...

I have never been gone from the physical territory that I would call home.  The RISE tour is near the 6 month anniversary.  I am tired, my body it breaking down, and I’m emotionally drained.  I guess it would be safe to say that I am feeling a bit homesick.  The last cross country adventure I participated in, I had a love waiting for me back home.  This time it’s different.  Part of my heart resides in Austin, TX, but that’s another story for another time.  I like to joke around and say that all I really miss back home is the smell of my pillow.  Of course, that sentiment is a sad attempt at expressing my inner comedian.  Truth be told, there is far more about the place in the southwest that I call home.

To be totally honest, I do have a love/ hate relationship with the Phoenix area.  It’s far to spread out, and the transit system is brutally lacking.  There is a brewing culture of infuse art/activism, but it never felt as if it was interconnected.  Maybe it was just me.  Perhaps I was the one that disconnected.  I wouldn’t doubt that.  The more I did venture out of my cave as the RISE tour drew near, I began to discover what I felt I never had before, a community I truly call home.  As usual, completely segregated from on another.  With all my frustration for the city, it has such great potential.  Like each and every one of us, it’s a work in progress.

Outside of my personal opinions with the lay out of the city and its vast culture, I have those personal relationships that keep me very connected to the place.  For far too long I locked myself away from so many amazing people.  Sure I would surface from time to time & connect with people, but for the last 6 years it has been too few, and much to far between.  I always have some plan for the future, and I act like some dictator architect, not allowing anyone in my way.  To bad, I can’t stop myself from being the one in the way.  Sure, determination is needed to fulfill ones blissful goals, but balance is needed.  Balance was a foreign term to me.  As the RISE tour drew near, I relaxed enough to engage these amazing people that I love dearly. 

                                

       

If there is on place about home that I miss, it has to be Sedona and the surrounding Verde Valley.  When I finally created space, this Eden in the high desert provided sanctuary for me to heal and recharge.  Of all the places that I have been to in this country, there is no other that resonates so deeply with my soul.  It is a majestic landscape from red rocks to crystal clear streams, with some areas in the valley being covered with vineyards.  The culture vibes with new age healers, crazed artists, country folk, and metropolitan escapes convicts of corporate America. 

Like many others, I have discovered my connection to Sedona and the great Verde Valley.  Say what you will, but it may be the closest relationship that I have in Arizona.  The very thought of putting more distance between the high desert and me, brings an overwhelming anxiety.       

 Still, the time will come when I must move on.  Nothing is written in stone.  Perhaps I end up in Austin with Jessica, or by myself.  Maybe I’ll find myself in Portland.  Maybe the fates would be so gracious to have me land in Sedona.  The possibilities are endless.  The trick is to not fight the flow. 

No matter where I find myself, my heart will always swell with AZ love.  Arizona was my first home.  Sedona and the Verde Valley will always be my first love.  I won’t ever forget the experiences I’ve had and the moments that shaped me.  Born a desert rat, I was nurtured in the heat of the valley of the sun.  For as long as I live, I will be a sun worshiper.  This fact, I shall never forget.

A New New Year

With the bike ride just around the corner, I felt it fitting to do something different for new years.  Instead of my usual, being with a loved one and participating in the consumption of tasty fermented beverages, I thought the time would best be spent in reflection.  Reflection of the past year, and the path that lay ahead…this was a time that was very much needed.  With an early night to bed, I was up by 3:30am.  After a small breakfast and coffee, I headed out solo style to one of my favorite places in Arizona:  Bell Rock, Sedona!

I jammed out to “Puscifer” and “Of Monsters and Men” while enjoying the vast darkness that was sprinkled with starlight from above.  I arrived at the Bell Rock Park around 6:30am.  A subtle glow was interrupting the black night sky from the east.  The world was still turning.  This was a very good sign.  Now I’m not gonna lie…it was creepy as hell out there in the vacant wilderness at predawn…beautiful, but creepy.  

I made my way carefully through the darkness…despite my surrounding conjuring memories of the “Evil Dead” franchise.  I made my way to the mound I desired to scale.  This is actually an amazing and impressive undertaking.  Sure I frequent Bell Rock at least once a month, but the area in question, I hadn’t been to in 12 years…and I was experiencing boundary disillusion at the time.   Once to the top, (which isn’t impressively high at all) it hit me.  Sitting there alone in the wilderness with Bell Rock just to the south, the gravity of what the future held slapped me repeatedly.   It seems daunting, but really in the scope of the fantastic EVERYTHING, it is just as insignificant as it is significant.

There in the valley, I witnessed how small I am…how small we all are.  This feeling was magnified as the beam of light reached out and kissed the valley floor.  With sage burning I asked for blessings.  I asked for it from the earth under me, the sky above me, the 4 directions that surround me, and the year ahead of me for safe passage.  I asked knowing that trouble & hardship will be entwined with ecstasy & jubilation. As I asked, I promised to respect every lesson placed before my path. 

I am not the wisest of men.  In my time I have made great mistakes.  I have hurt those I have professed my love for, as well as place monumental judgment on those who I did not know, or disagreed with.  With great pretentiousness, I proclaimed a life style that should be lived while I lived no such way.  When surrounded by others I have pontificated philosophies based on the words written by other women and men.  I am man wrought with imperfections that at times have been amplified by my impulsive irrationalism.   All one can do is forgive…forgiveness of oneself and for those who now lay in the wake of the past’s tenures. 

            The sun had risen and the prayer had come to its natural end.  It was now time to enjoy the wonderful playground that has been loaned to me.  Before I left the Bell Rock area, I had to do what I always do.  Head as high as I am comfortable with and witness all the land that is called Sedona!  About a quarter of the way up Bell, I had the pleasure of meeting Nyto, a 23 year old from Tokyo, Japan.  Speaking broken English I comprehended his desire to reach the top.  After a few attempts of my standard communication, I just motioned for my new friend to follow me.  He must have understood, cause he stayed on my heals.  Together we reached my favorite spot.  We burned some sage, shared some clementine’s, and snapped some photos while engaging in our learned form of communication.

The "I don't know what to do, so I will give a Peace Sign pose."

               

Welcome to The Red Rocks

         

              We made it safely down the mountain and parted ways at the parking lot.  From there,  I once again ventured solo visiting Cathedral Rock and treating myself to a fine meal in Jerome, AZ at the The Mile High.   I can honestly say that it was a great way to spend the birth of a New Year, and it was definitely one of the best ones I have had in a long time.  I can’t sit here and attempt to pretend that I had a great lesson to preach to you…the viewer.  I had my experience, and for me it was opening and filled with grace.  Now turn off your computer…and go have your own experience.