The Nexus

         

          New York City…until recently, I had only looked upon this place as the backdrop to many films I watched, or the comics I grew up with as a child.   Of course, everyone in the country recognizes New York for many different reasons.  Recent history gives us all a different picture of the Big Apple, of course I refer to the events that transpired 11 years ago with the destruction of the World Trade Center.  I can’t say that I am much different anymore.  Talking to natives about the city on that day helps me have a well rounded perspective.  This took place 3 weeks after my brother’s death.   I was already infused into a chaotic grief with his suicide.  On August 20^th, my world changed…forever.  On September 11^th, I knew the entire planet was changed, and would never be the same again. 

            On September 18^th, 2012 Zak and I entered the city.  I could fee the energy from across the Hudson, or maybe I was just dumbfounded by the sheer enormity of the place.   Of course it is sweltering with energy, there’s 8 million+ people living in confined quarters.  Still, there wasn’t the hostility that the rest of the country associates with New York.  I never found myself in a situation with a New Yorker where I felt they were being rude.  I’m sure they have their share of assholes, in a city that dense, it’s impossible not have too.  What I am saying is, I never experienced any.

            What I did find was that the average New Yorker is just extremely busy.  It isn’t considered a rude gesture when they don’t pay you any mind.  Their busy people, they have shit to do; places to go and people to see.  After spending an after noon with my homestay in New York, she pointed out the obvious foreign nature of my behavior.  For starters, I held the door open for most people.  This isn’t entirely strange, but it isn’t a natural phenomenon for you average citizen to do.  Most city folk leave the door open wide enough for the next person to grab, me, I held the damn thing wide open and let a flow of street traffic file in.

The last morning in the city, while sitting on the front stoop, I pronounced a good morning to an elderly woman who was walking buy.  She reciprocated, and I followed with a how are you doing?  She gave me an odd look and stopped.  “Do I know you?”, she asked.  “Not at all.  I just wanted you to know I cared.”  She continued her inquisitive stare as she began to walk away.  I don’t consider this behavior to be rude.  Like I said before, these people are busy folk.  It’s a highly condensed city in such a small area with a plethora to do. 

            It seems to be part of the cities energy and ethos.  So much diversity of people tightly condensed into such a small brew.  It is a beautiful melody ot the chaotic order of alchemical magic.  Ok, taking it to far, but New York is a living entity, with each individual person being a singular cell.  Now I have never been to Tokyo or Beijing, but I am gonna go out on a lim and assume that said cities are not nearly as diverse as New York.  I will allow you, the viewer, to decide if I am incorrect.  In the small amount of time I have spent in New York, I was witness to a wide range of culture.  Never before in all my life, have I been in the midst of such extreme diversity.   New York City is an ecstatic place with a highly potent energy about it.

            I don’t know if I could live in the city.  It isn’t the pace of the place, more so than the high density of it all.   The energy of the city can be quit intoxicating, but power that permeates through the city is not just confined to the area of the city in and of its self.  There is something that brews in the area.  While concentrated by the masses in New York, the trail continues up the Hudson valley.  Perhaps it was what was waiting for me, or it’s simply the energy of the isolated natural world that lives outside of the metropolis.

My Dark Wilderness of Blinding Light

           

           The RISE journey is coming to an end.  Everyday we move closer to COSM: The Chapel of Sacred Mirrors.  As the scenery has changed, expectedly, so have I.  In the beginning, I was so amped.  Filled with adrenaline, excitement, and the wonder of the infinite possibility that awaited me.  Each new day I reveled at the American landscape, and I have marveled at its amazing diversity.  As the countryside changed, so did the season as did the culture.  It has been a blessing to be a witness to this land I have known as home.  As everything has been in a constant state of metamorphosis that I am now accustomed too, I have become aware of the most important change:  The revolution within.

            Allowing the constant change of the outer world to become the norm, I am no longer as distracted by it as I have been for so many months.  This has allowed the appropriate space in my mind to take the leap inward.  For the past three or four weeks, I have finally reached the point of welcoming the silence.  It is still quit unsettling, and takes time to relax into.  It also brings a new layer to the tour itself.  I have kept to myself as much as I possibly can.  Sure, I fall into old habits and continue to distract myself.  Scanning the Internet, looking for people to talk to on the Facenet, or watching old episodes of LOST.  As time begins to move on, I am taking the time to go for walks.  During most of these walks, I have also refrained form listening to my ipod.  Just take a stroll and allow myself to integrate the ambiance of what ever may be in the environment.

            This has allowed me to have more conversations with myself.  Asking those tough question and peal away those layers that hide my many paradoxical truths.  Its not always the most fun or entertaining exercise.  Truth be told, it can be down right frightening.  The more I peal away, the more questions I ask, I begin to realize a simple truth…there are no definitive answers.  There is only the feeling of flow.  I know you’d like to have a more thorough explanation.  I don’t have one.  How does one explain an abstract?  There seems to be no sufficient language for feelings, only a feeble attempt for understanding.   If you need a better description, I would ask you to think of gravity, or to watch a flowing river.  Sit in silence and just observe it as it is:  the water, the rocks within and on the banks, and the life that dwells with the flow.  Watch every aspect and how it all interacts.

            As humans in an industrialized world, we have become so hardwired for stimulation.  We are constantly searching for gratification of the pleasure centers in our brains, that we have become distracted.  Maybe it’s just me, and it is my issue alone, but it’s as if we have lost the connection of self and the divinity of the living moment.  The journey inward takes time, attention, and courage to let go of attachment.   The path can be a dark, cold, and murky wilderness, but there is a silver lining.  The light is just above the dense canopy.  It splinters between each massive tree and thick brush to show the way.  The way isn’t a universal map.  It is dramatically different for each and every one of us, but its there nonetheless.

It has taken five to six months to transition into this new method on this journey, and as the tour winds down, soon I will have more time for solitude and self reflection.  This is a process that I do not intend to rush.  My journey home is still one that is in constant motion, and I am not married to anyone way on how to go about it.  I am willing to take what comes at me, what ever that is.  While I have many ideas, I am allowing myself to be without schedule and up for what ever change the flow decides for me.  All I can do is initiate the navigational coordinates of my intention, and through the power of will, I will be taken where I need to be.