The universe…scratch that, all of
existence is a mighty and infinite holographic program. It’s quit all right. I have no idea what that means in any
intellectual thought pattern. I
have given up on figuring it out.
I can only suggest that you do too. Instead, I choose to dance with the mystery with an awesome
open intention of good will. Like
many things, the process to blessedness is a rocky road. What am I talking about? What is this purpose of this new age
stew I am vomiting out via binary medium?
Again, it isn’t an intellectual phenomenon. The only way I can fathom to describe what it is I am
failing miserably (as usual) to convey, is summed with one word: LOVE.
As I am confused, swirling
endlessly in the chaos, I am sure to frustrate you with my nonlinear
gibberish. If you are still
sitting there reading this, thank you…and I am sorry. Let me attempt to make sense of all of this. A few weeks ago I posted a blog about
my experience in Austin, TX. I
experienced first hand in a long time, the felt presence of the goddess. I felt her in me, the land, the
experience, and in a woman. The
encounter has permeated through out my very being since that time. At this moment, I feel that my feet
have once again landed on solid ground.
This isn’t to say there wasn’t a struggle in the process of landing.
I found myself spiritually and
emotionally jammed. There was no
fluidity or balance within my mind, body, or soul. Instead, I was congested with attachment of paradoxical outcomes. On one side, I found a mesmerizing
match for partnership in Jessica.
On the other side, I knew there was one dramatic difference that had no
way of reconciliation. My mind fragmented by such polarized views, I
desperately lurched for logic & reason. Logic & reason…recently I have discovered that these
concepts are just cultural ordinance.
Within my internal conflict, a new
catalyst ascended upon me. I met
my mortality. Entering Baton
Rogue, LA I had no idea what terror of brutal honesty patiently awaited my
arrival. I was near the end of my
riding day, and learning the true ignorance that drivers had for cyclists. Entering dense traffic area where
highways & Interstates intertwined, I was forced to maneuver amongst the
steel behemoths of the road. The
flow of traffic on my side of the road was merging onto I-10. Besides being frowned upon for cyclist
to be on the interstate, it wasn’t heading anywhere near my destination of the
day.
With no vehicles approaching behind
me, and none making signals communicating their intention to do so, I made my
way across the exiting lane to stay my course. With no warning the first van cuts across my path, allowing
less than an inch between writing this blog and setting Zak on a mission to
finish this tour without me. You
always hear people talk about that moment when they face the idea of death in
such a personal way. They speak of
a flash, and a magnificent montage of ones entire life playing back to them in
a singular moment.
As I moved at the hectic pace of
life, time slowed down. Every
fiber of every muscle locked into a fixed position. My mind, which is always flying at light speed with infinite
thought, became void and empty.
The white flash struck me.
I felt as if I was outside of myself. Every memory played itself out in an instant. A hologram of visual of every
experience surrounded me as if I was inside a globed theatre screen. Within that flash, something within
took control. A deep rooted
instinct that is instilled in all of us took the reigns and guided me as far as
it could from harms way. The
distance to safety may have been centimeters, but it felt like travelling a
vast ocean.
Before I could come back into a
sense of calm, a truck cut me off.
Again, missing me by less than an inch, and the entire scenario repeated
itself. Finally making it to safe
shoulder, I stopped to center myself.
This also means I checked the contents of my shorts. After calming down, I decided my
day of riding had come to an end.
My effort to truly contemplate my own mortality, now that I have a
greater sense of context, had begun.
