Me, Myself , I…always the Fiend

I’m terrified to say this.  I feel that if I do, I will have destined the idea for failure.  Yeah, I have panache for superstition.  Still, I feel in a great frame of mind, and I don’t want to doom it.  Irrelevant.  I’m even missing the damn point.  FOCUS!!!  Ah yes…there it is.  A strange relaxed calmness has subdued me.  I am terrified…still I am comforted in this cradle of effortless stillness.  I don’t care.  ??? Is that it?  Is it that I don’t care, or is it that I have lost fear? 

Confused yet? 

I’ve gotta say that it is the amalgamation of both.  I am at the point where I just can’t allow my terror to play tricks with my head.  It’s there, and rightfully so…but what the hell am I to do about it?  To give it credence is only to give it power and dictation over my thoughts, words, and actions.  This isn’t going to do me any good and sure as hell won’t do any good for RISE. 

I’m not saying I am immune to relapse.  That would be irresponsible to approach this situation in such a manner.  The honest to gods truth is that I am just to exhausted to pay it much light.  An old friend use to sing a song that went a little bit like  this,” Stress is the enemy/ Not a friend of me/ one thing it is/ to be easy going…” I don’t remember the rest…not even sure if it is an original.  The point is in the beginning of her mantra.  Stress is the enemy…well so are you...er…me.  We are our own worst enemies.  The moment we feel the stress, the unavoidable tendency is to stress on the stress.  This is no good.

I know, it’s  clichés    …but most of what is, is for a reason.  There is nothing on this organic space ship that can obstruct or disenfranchise you like your own head.  We are all guilty of the outward condemnation, but truth be told, we are the problem…we get in the way…we create the drama.  Our personal filters are filled with purpose, but they can bring damnation and brimstone in the blink of an eye.

I’m with you…it is so easy to pass the buck onto an external force…be it a person or situation.  Let’s be real though…it is nothing more than lazy and immature antics from people who have the misfortune of learned infantilism.  I’m speaking for all of us now.  I hope this small egocentric notion doesn’t distract you from my point.  If I have one…do I ever?

Ok…now I am really confused. 

Is there a solution to this madness?  I don’t know about solution, but I might be able to pull an argument about purpose out my saddle side.   In my tiny mind, I must submit to the profound properties of patience.  Also, I must ask…how much do you have.  Let me clarify.  How much patience do you have to process and gleam those terrible  & beautiful thoughts you have?  You and I both know you have more than a Noah’s boatload for every second you breath.  How often do you pay attention to them?  Do you allow yourself the time to find any particular pattern of thought? 

There is a whole lot of talk about paying attention to your surroundings and the world.  I agree with those sentiments too, but how do you “PAY ATTENTION”  to the chaos that orbits your head, without having a grasp on what’s happening inside it?  Training oneself to become hyper focus on the outside world can be the culprit to missing out on the source of your personal universe…YOU!  Any issues that we experience in life, no matter how external they seem, are no more than an extension of our internal dysfunction.   The individual will always be the greatest capture and liberator of self.

DOW: DMT The Spirit Molecule

To learn more about DMT and Dr. Strassman's research, click on the link below.

DMT:  The Spirit Molecule

A Stadium of Annoyance Between My Ears

I have made a small discovery in the last few months while undergoing my rigid meditative practice.  Well, it isn’t that rigid.  I’m no shaman or monk.  Time after time my thoughts go to some interesting places in my mind.  It wanders its way back to memories of those I no longer interact with. 

Some more than others…some much much more than others. 

Also, and somewhat disconcerting, I realize how much of a judgmental prick I can be.  Let me clarify this…I can be a MONUMENTALY SAVAGE JUDGMENTAL PRICK…I’m sorry?  It is nothing more than the occupational hazard of one who spends his time observing the human condition. Excuses…excuses.

These two observations of self-awareness have only strengthened my decision to take a break from my time in fellowship with others.  This has allowed me to do much-needed self-reflection.  The more I take the time to check in, the more I begin to recognize where it is those squirrely thoughts of mine drift.   Memories of those in my past and judgment of outside forces are my primary influences of self imposed distractions. 

I can only speak for myself, but static in the mind seems to be the acceptable normality.  We live in a paradigm of distractive discord… a paradigm where our head is assaulted at all times.  I could blame an outside source, but truth be told, our own head is a carnivorous cannibal that eats at its own concentration.  Did that even make sense?  Suppose it did.  Name a time in the day when you aren’t over run by thoughts that consist of yesterdays, tomorrows, or the jerk off standing next to you.  How often do those thoughts impede on the focus of what you are actually doing?  As you can see, in these last few blogs a pattern is emerging.  Can you see it?

I keep coming back to this notion or meditation of the ever evolving now.  It is a concept that demands discipline and compassion of ones self.  For it is those moments when I recognize how far I have drifted from the “moment” that I not only snap back to it, but I notice how easy it is to get lost.  This simple truth reminds me of the compassion I need for others, as well as for myself.  To drift and judge is a normal occurrence.  We don’t know another form of thinking, nor were we taught.  That is why self-awareness is so important.  I have to ask myself why I judge him or why I think of her.  You may never peel enough of the onion to find the concrete truth, abandoning the excavation isn’t an option.  At least it isn’t for me.

The fluidity of thought is beautiful and unfortunately underestimated all to often.  It’s easy to fall victim to thought pattern.   That’s the bitch of it.  Thought is just as common as breath, and it is those common elements that are so easy to glaze over and forget.  Taking the time that I have has been beneficial, but I am no expert.  I am more of a child in this game.  Only time spent in self conscious meditation will help me to grow…will help us all to grow. 

DOW: The US vs John Lennon

You Say You Want A rEvolution

A New New Year

With the bike ride just around the corner, I felt it fitting to do something different for new years.  Instead of my usual, being with a loved one and participating in the consumption of tasty fermented beverages, I thought the time would best be spent in reflection.  Reflection of the past year, and the path that lay ahead…this was a time that was very much needed.  With an early night to bed, I was up by 3:30am.  After a small breakfast and coffee, I headed out solo style to one of my favorite places in Arizona:  Bell Rock, Sedona!

I jammed out to “Puscifer” and “Of Monsters and Men” while enjoying the vast darkness that was sprinkled with starlight from above.  I arrived at the Bell Rock Park around 6:30am.  A subtle glow was interrupting the black night sky from the east.  The world was still turning.  This was a very good sign.  Now I’m not gonna lie…it was creepy as hell out there in the vacant wilderness at predawn…beautiful, but creepy.  

I made my way carefully through the darkness…despite my surrounding conjuring memories of the “Evil Dead” franchise.  I made my way to the mound I desired to scale.  This is actually an amazing and impressive undertaking.  Sure I frequent Bell Rock at least once a month, but the area in question, I hadn’t been to in 12 years…and I was experiencing boundary disillusion at the time.   Once to the top, (which isn’t impressively high at all) it hit me.  Sitting there alone in the wilderness with Bell Rock just to the south, the gravity of what the future held slapped me repeatedly.   It seems daunting, but really in the scope of the fantastic EVERYTHING, it is just as insignificant as it is significant.

There in the valley, I witnessed how small I am…how small we all are.  This feeling was magnified as the beam of light reached out and kissed the valley floor.  With sage burning I asked for blessings.  I asked for it from the earth under me, the sky above me, the 4 directions that surround me, and the year ahead of me for safe passage.  I asked knowing that trouble & hardship will be entwined with ecstasy & jubilation. As I asked, I promised to respect every lesson placed before my path. 

I am not the wisest of men.  In my time I have made great mistakes.  I have hurt those I have professed my love for, as well as place monumental judgment on those who I did not know, or disagreed with.  With great pretentiousness, I proclaimed a life style that should be lived while I lived no such way.  When surrounded by others I have pontificated philosophies based on the words written by other women and men.  I am man wrought with imperfections that at times have been amplified by my impulsive irrationalism.   All one can do is forgive…forgiveness of oneself and for those who now lay in the wake of the past’s tenures. 

            The sun had risen and the prayer had come to its natural end.  It was now time to enjoy the wonderful playground that has been loaned to me.  Before I left the Bell Rock area, I had to do what I always do.  Head as high as I am comfortable with and witness all the land that is called Sedona!  About a quarter of the way up Bell, I had the pleasure of meeting Nyto, a 23 year old from Tokyo, Japan.  Speaking broken English I comprehended his desire to reach the top.  After a few attempts of my standard communication, I just motioned for my new friend to follow me.  He must have understood, cause he stayed on my heals.  Together we reached my favorite spot.  We burned some sage, shared some clementine’s, and snapped some photos while engaging in our learned form of communication.

The "I don't know what to do, so I will give a Peace Sign pose."

               

Welcome to The Red Rocks

         

              We made it safely down the mountain and parted ways at the parking lot.  From there,  I once again ventured solo visiting Cathedral Rock and treating myself to a fine meal in Jerome, AZ at the The Mile High.   I can honestly say that it was a great way to spend the birth of a New Year, and it was definitely one of the best ones I have had in a long time.  I can’t sit here and attempt to pretend that I had a great lesson to preach to you…the viewer.  I had my experience, and for me it was opening and filled with grace.  Now turn off your computer…and go have your own experience.

DOW: 2012- Time For Change

So, I decided...at this moment, that along with my usual weekly blogs, I will start doing a Documentary of The Week...or DOW.  I'll try to maintain this as long as I can.  I won't go into a break down on any of the films.  You'll be introduced to the film via trailer, at that point you can decide if you want to discover more about the film.

2012:  Time For Change

For more info on 2012: Time for Change.  Click on the website below.

www.2012timeforchange.com

For other Resources go to Reality Sandwhich

Get Rich or Die Mayan

I was originally going to title this little ditty, “Prophecy, Season, & Crotch hair:  The Fundamentals of Maya”.  It’s a good thing I didn’t; It’s obvious there is already to much confusion on this fine subject.  We all have Paul Germinaro to thank for the title change.  He is with out a doubt the ugliest muse I have ever had, but by god an efficient one.   Next time any of you folks are lucky enough to see this handsome man, give him a pat on the back. Yes...I am aware of the contradiction in those last two sentences.  

2012 is upon us, and my GOD there is sooooo much Hoopla surrounding it.  I know…I know.   There may be some of you out there shaking your head at the screen, giving my name grief.  I admit…I am a fan of the whole 2012 mythos, and I do speak about it much more than I probably should.  There are some things you just don’t talk about in front of the squares.  The entire subject seems to have been blown out of proportion though.  The villain in question in this scenario isn’t the Maya.  Sadly, its average dysfunctional American who loves watching shit blow up.  Mix that with a ridiculously lame movie, and you’ve got a fine tonic for depraved chest thumping behavior.

So, I saw the John Cusack film 3 times.  I know…I said it was trash, but the effects were outlandishly fiendish and I’m an American.  American’s have a long history of dignified atrocities; we invented manifest destiny, atomic weaponry, high cholesterol, and American Idol…we know how to fuck shit up.  As for Cusack, come on bro!  I use to be such a fan.  First, 2012: the inexcusable tragedy in question. Now you’re the opiate-head Poe solving a murder mystery.  Poe is the Godfather of Emo…you be slippin son.  Wait…now that I think of it, seems like a fitting evolution.

DIDN’T YOU KNOW?  KICK BOXING IS THE SPORT OF THE FUTURE!

Ummmm…Sorry bout that.

Before we begin, lets acknowledge just a few of the counter arguments to the theorized Mayan Prophecy of end times.  Could it be that the Maya were just eccentric heathens with panache for human sacrifice and intricate stone tablet carving?  Sure, can’t you imagine the calories burned with those activities?  Is it possible that they simply ran out of time and/or resources when conducting their long-term calendar?  Why those trickster tribes men. 

In my understanding, which I admit, is nothing to boast about; the commercialized idea about the Mayan’s calendar seems a bit maladjusted.  Again, it’s that good ol’ American fascination with sensationalism.  If you’re looking for a protagonist or creator of the sensationalist mentality and end time hysteria, there are plenty of old time religions with a greater following to pin the blame on.   To give the Mayan a bit of credit I suggest foraging through the theories that equate the “Long-Term Mayan Calendar with cycles.   These theories have a bit more of a firm root in rational non-sensational thinking.

All one needs to do, is just pay the slightest bit of attention to life, both on this planet, and what is known about it elsewhere.  I know…the official extraterrestrial story hasn’t been disclosed.  You’re just gonna have to focus on life span of stars when think about life off world.  Everywhere you examine life, the concept of cycles are connected to it.  Just to name a few:  days, seasons, plants, animals, humans, menstrual, lunar, solar, etc. etc etc.  You smoking what I’m loading yet?   Is it possible that a civilization that is known for being mathematically inclined to have grasped a greater cycle that their long-term calendar represents?  This knowledge could have been passed down from pre-Mayan culture. 

Now I am no Mayan scholar…I just play one on Facebook & Twitter, but the accepted mainstream theory should widen to include alternative possibilities rather then mere destruction.   The thing about cycles is that it is a process.  Let’s say the Mayan are right.  You think you’re gonna wake up on the morning of the winter solstice of 2012 to alien invasion and zombie apocalypse?  Sounds like good times to me, but…GET REAL!!!  It’s a process and it happens over time.  You don’t plant a seed one day only to find a huge tree the very next?  You didn’t wake up one morning in your early preteens to a massive main of pubic hair?  Well maybe some of you had issues with that second thought.  Don’t ask, I have no idea where these thoughts spew.

The longer the cycle is the higher the difficulties in observing the fundamental occurrences, which define the attributes of a cycle.  If there is anything to the prophecy, we are living it now, and have been living it our entire lives.  People like to pile on a ton of criticism on ancient cultural prophecy and label them as primitive and hokey.  Let us not forget that the majority of our mainstreams faiths have enough exciting end time content to give Michael Bay his next summer blockbuster.  The Transformers wouldn’t have a snowballs chance in hell at the box office.

As I said in the beginning of this rant, I love the Mayan mythos…I love the possibility of 2012…and it has nothing to do with cataclysmic devastation.  For me it is about mysterious possibility, and a positive one for that matter.  There is one thing about prophecy…its always-in motion.  We live it and breath it constantly.  I don’t even care whether or not you believe in religion, spirituality, or new age perspectives.  We all have a worldview model that we attach ourselves to, and every model has a beginning, middle, and end in its archetypal structure.  By living out your chosen paradigm, you are enacting your prophecy.  As long as we are all doing this…lets make it worthwhile for every living creature that roams free…

                                                                                   

…yes, that includes bacteria.

XOXO