Me, Myself , I…always the Fiend

I’m terrified to say this.  I feel that if I do, I will have destined the idea for failure.  Yeah, I have panache for superstition.  Still, I feel in a great frame of mind, and I don’t want to doom it.  Irrelevant.  I’m even missing the damn point.  FOCUS!!!  Ah yes…there it is.  A strange relaxed calmness has subdued me.  I am terrified…still I am comforted in this cradle of effortless stillness.  I don’t care.  ??? Is that it?  Is it that I don’t care, or is it that I have lost fear? 

Confused yet? 

I’ve gotta say that it is the amalgamation of both.  I am at the point where I just can’t allow my terror to play tricks with my head.  It’s there, and rightfully so…but what the hell am I to do about it?  To give it credence is only to give it power and dictation over my thoughts, words, and actions.  This isn’t going to do me any good and sure as hell won’t do any good for RISE. 

I’m not saying I am immune to relapse.  That would be irresponsible to approach this situation in such a manner.  The honest to gods truth is that I am just to exhausted to pay it much light.  An old friend use to sing a song that went a little bit like  this,” Stress is the enemy/ Not a friend of me/ one thing it is/ to be easy going…” I don’t remember the rest…not even sure if it is an original.  The point is in the beginning of her mantra.  Stress is the enemy…well so are you...er…me.  We are our own worst enemies.  The moment we feel the stress, the unavoidable tendency is to stress on the stress.  This is no good.

I know, it’s  clichés    …but most of what is, is for a reason.  There is nothing on this organic space ship that can obstruct or disenfranchise you like your own head.  We are all guilty of the outward condemnation, but truth be told, we are the problem…we get in the way…we create the drama.  Our personal filters are filled with purpose, but they can bring damnation and brimstone in the blink of an eye.

I’m with you…it is so easy to pass the buck onto an external force…be it a person or situation.  Let’s be real though…it is nothing more than lazy and immature antics from people who have the misfortune of learned infantilism.  I’m speaking for all of us now.  I hope this small egocentric notion doesn’t distract you from my point.  If I have one…do I ever?

Ok…now I am really confused. 

Is there a solution to this madness?  I don’t know about solution, but I might be able to pull an argument about purpose out my saddle side.   In my tiny mind, I must submit to the profound properties of patience.  Also, I must ask…how much do you have.  Let me clarify.  How much patience do you have to process and gleam those terrible  & beautiful thoughts you have?  You and I both know you have more than a Noah’s boatload for every second you breath.  How often do you pay attention to them?  Do you allow yourself the time to find any particular pattern of thought? 

There is a whole lot of talk about paying attention to your surroundings and the world.  I agree with those sentiments too, but how do you “PAY ATTENTION”  to the chaos that orbits your head, without having a grasp on what’s happening inside it?  Training oneself to become hyper focus on the outside world can be the culprit to missing out on the source of your personal universe…YOU!  Any issues that we experience in life, no matter how external they seem, are no more than an extension of our internal dysfunction.   The individual will always be the greatest capture and liberator of self.