The Memory of You is Much too loud

I have come to accept that you will always be there.  In every activity, contemplation, situation, and experience you are always close to my narrative.  I used to believe that I needed to push you out.  I used meditation, cycling, work, booze, sexual gratification, & a plethora of other suitable replacements, but still you persist.  Always there in the corner of memory, your resonance acts as an anchor to that which I have already experienced.

I felt the unnerving need to push you away.  It didn’t matter that you were already gone in form, but your substance was still apparent, and I desired to be free of it.  The foolishness slightly over shadows the shortsightedness of this simple minded thought.  The last few months, I made it a point to give more credence to meditation through practice.  In the beginning, I childishly made this attempte to eradicate all thought of you from my mental lexicon.  Over time I came to terms with the silliness of this attempt while learning the value of meditation.

It feels that I have made progress in the strenuous art.  You would be surprised how time consuming and uncomfortable self examination can be.  Yet, over time one discovers the infinite benefits from said practice.   After much time the benefits materialized, even as the memories became much too loud to avoid.  Truth seemed to fall out of the sky and drop into my lap.  There was never getting over you, not in some mislead idealistic sense of disconnecting thought from reality.

The memory of you is much too loud, and I say…so be it.  Let the resonance of your experience scream loud and long.  I should not shy from such thoughts.  You are a part of the creative force which I collaborated with when designing who I am.  I cannot out run you, forget about you, ignore you; because I experienced you, you will always be with me.  I no longer see anything wrong with this.  Despite how much malice, frustration, and regret I contributed to my time with you; which was no more than an emotional reactionary impulse, I see the necessity of the time shared.

I see the blessing in the commotion we created.  At times we were volatile.  At times we were blissful.  Whether pleasure or pain, all that remains, is that I am ever forever changed because of you.  Thank you my dearest for the catalyst you embody.  You are part of the transcendental bridge that has brought me to this place…the ever evolving NOW.